Holiday Memories

As I was looking through all the photos from the entire holiday season, I couldn't help but smile at so many! Overall, the holidays were filled with joyous moments. We laughed over some and we definitely learned over more! Christmas Day was particularly hard for Selah and for us in turn. There had been too many events leading up to that morning and I started seeing behaviors of hers that I thought we had long passed. We have noticed that when she becomes highly overstimmed, she doesn't tantrum or rock or become unreasonable...she just starts kissing everyone constantly. It is such a tough situation. Here I was the type of parent with our boys, who always reminded them to give hugs and kisses to all family members...and now we are having to stop her from kissing others. Our family and friends look at us like we are absolutely crazy to want to stop her loving nature, but it is just too much to try to explain the nature of attachment and what these types of behaviors do to her development. Oh well...this too shall pass!

The day after Christmas we headed up north to Overgaard, AZ and enjoyed the snow for a few days. It was the perfect place for Selah to find calm and to make her world small again. The snow was beautiful and the kids had so much fun playing in it! Arizona is such a diverse state. I am always amazed at God's great design....mountains of desert landscape, mountains of red rock, and mountains of green pine all within hours of each other. It was 70 degrees in Chandler and 40 degrees two and a half hours north! What fun!

Our sweet little Landon had his 7th birthday this week! I can't believe how time is flying. He is such a sweet treasure and am so thankful God has allowed me to be his mama! The poor little guy was sick most of the week (and then passed it onto me). He was so cute saying daily "It's just not right that I should be sick three days before my birthday" and then the next day "it is just not right that I should be sick two days before my birthday"! I guess in his mind it is a birthday week and in that case it really just isn't right to be sick then!!!! :-) He was well just in time for his big day, though, and we celebrated at Peter Piper Pizza! Mommy barely made it...but God gives us mommies super human strength when it comes to our kid's birthdays! I spent the remainder of the weekend in bed, but I made the big day!

Our 10th annual trip to the Polar Express! Selah's first time was a hit!

She loves her dadday SOOOOOO much!

Santa giving the kids their special bell to remind them to BELIEVE!

Selah has been completely enamored of Santa!

A family carriage ride at the North Pole. Brrrrr...but fun!

Thanksgiving at my brother and his wife's home. Selah loves her Grandma(my mom) bunches! They even look alike!

Digging into the delicious food!

Hanging her first ornament

She played the amazing part of a little shepherd in her pre-school play.

Our annual gingerbread house...a little drama around that...

The Snowflake Sprint at school for the boys.

Two brothers worn out from running their bums off!

Official Re-adoption Day! Selah couldn't stop staring at the judge to get a good picture!

Selah's first present.

 A wonderful book from Aunt Nancy that is helping her with colors...a skill we struggle with!

Doesn't his smile just make you wanna squeeze him?

Christmas Eve with family - cousins from age 2 weeks almost 10 years.

Santa's cookies and socks (to keep his toes warm - another tradition of ours), and carrots for the reindeer. The letter this year was written by Landon and it was sort of an apology for some behavior issues! It was pretty cute :-)

Zachary's school choir performance.

Zach and Grandma Judy on Christmas Day

Landon and Grandpa Bob

Zach in Overgaard with his new snowball launcher!

Landon and my little snow man! I was cold and only wanted to make a little guy!

A little piece of Heaven in the mountains!

Roasting marshmallows (Selah's first time)

Happy 7th Birthday, Sweet Landon!

He was thrilled with a box of Lucky Charms as a gift from Grandpa Bob, but he knew there had to be more to it because Grandpa is always playing jokes!

After further investigation, money had been stashed inside the cereal bag! You can imagine how long it took the bag to be poured out on our kitchen counter!

 Some beautiful memories...so thankful for God's merciful heart and many blessings! Now, though, if I can just get past this yuck, I think I'll be able to breathe again! I can take the Christmas tree down now, too! Sweet little Landon insisted it be one of his presents to keep the tree up for his birthday! So sweet :-)

"You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head." Psalm 139:5

Blessings and smiles,
Lori

Merry Christmas to All!

The tree is up. The house is decorated. The lights are twinkling outside. Wrapping paper, bows, and ribbons have taken up residence in our living room. Three little children are bubbling with excitement....and one in particular is absorbing each moment with a most special twinkle in her eys! A year ago we ached with sadness over the fact that Selah was spending one more Christmas without her family. Now it is a Christmas complete...and I am so very thankful that on Christmas Eve after everyone is sound asleep, I will have three rooms...and three little foreheads to kiss as I say a prayer of God's protection, healing, and love in the lives of each of the three little treasures He has so lovingly given us to parent.

                                        Jingle Bells performed by those three little treasures!

One year later, my prayer for each child as I lay a hand on their sleeping little head, will be so very different. Last year I remember praying so desperately for peace and patience as we waited to bring Selah home. I remember praying for her safety and for the Lord to be preparing her heart to leave the only world she had ever known, to become a part of our family. I prayed He would open her heart to receive all the love we had to offer. I prayed that each of the boys would be prepared for all that would come with having a new sister who may have difficulties adjusting. I prayed that their love and acceptance would be never ending and that Selah may learn a little about Jesus from the way they and Bryan and I would love her. I prayed that jealousy would not have an opportunity to enter into their little hearts and I prayed that their hearts would remain intact throughout whatever would face us. I prayed that God would continue to mold their hearts and bring them closer to Him.

As I reflect back, I see how God has answered those prayers and more. Honestly, there are moments (actually days...several days..) where I feel as though my prayers are not being heard. I feel like He is just not making good on His promises! I know that sounds awful, but it is the truth of my roller coaster emotions. He always pulls me up out of that place of "yuck" and sets me back upon the rock of truth where I can confidently say that I know that I know that I know that He DOES make good on His promises...all of them! His Word does not come back void! And then is when I can so clearly see how He is healing Selah day by day. He has been at work slowly opening her heart to our love. It is definitely not on my time schedule, but I believe His timing is perfect and He knows why it takes as much time as it does. I also see how He has so abundantly and even more so than I could have ever dreamed, filled the hearts of our two boys with this amazing love that it such a model of what He desires for us. The sun and the moon set on their little sister. There is nothing she can do that will make them mad for more than a minute! They had moments when they needed to talk about how things are different now and when they felt waves of sadness pass over them for what we were all experiencing with Selah, but there has never been a moment they have wanted to change things and never a moment they didn't recognize that Selah's behaviors did not come from her heart...but rather from the trauma of her life before us. They were often better at seeing that than even I! They were able to remind me of her progress and the positives even in the midst of the most difficult of times. This wisdom was so beyond their years. What a precious gift God gave us in this wisdom! He is using Selah and her story to mold Zachary and Landon's hearts....as well as the hearts of so many others.

My prayer this year will be for Selah's continued healing. This year I know the specifics. Last year I had no idea. There has been so much more than we could have ever dreamed possible. I am praying for the continued molding of our hearts and for each of us to develop an even stronger and closer relationship with Jesus. I am praying for strength to continue the fight in this ongoing spiritual battle. I am praying for wisdom, for discernment, for patience, and for love.  I am praying for a little girl to have a  joy that starts deep in her heart and shines through in the twinkling in her eyes. A joy that is not quenched by memories of the past, of fears of the past, present, or future, or by an other emotional, mental, or physical challenges. And finally, I am praying that next year I can look back at this year's prayers and see them answered in abundance!

In keeping with my reflection of the answered prayers of last year, I don't think there is anything more vivid than the two pictures I recently looked at of Selah. One is from the airport on the day we arrived home. The other is a most recent one. Just look at how God works! Eight months are in between those two photos. Eight months, lots of love, lots of prayer, and lots of nutrition (10 pounds and 4 inches worth)!

My prayers are with all those who have brought your little ones home and are adjusting, those in the midst of the brutal wait between the two trips, and those in just the beginning phases of your adoption! May you feel His love, comfort, and guidance each step of the way. God is with us and is not going to let go! Many blessings to all this Christmas!

All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord’s message through his prophet: 

“Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’  

Matthew 1:22-23



Christmas Once Again

We have not yet heard anything...but I am not giving up hope yet!  I'm really taking either what you could call the "stubborn" route, or the "living safely in my bubble" route! I think I'll stick with calling it anticipating with faith from every corner of my heart.

We have really tried to focus on the fun....buying presents for Selah that she can open whenever she comes home and is ready, decorating her room, and even a beautiful little gathering hosted by some just as beautiful friends in honor of Selah!

Oooooo, the presents! I know that our two boys have had just as much fun as us shopping for our little sweet pea! They are adorable in the way they ALWAYS have her on their minds and in their hearts. AND, did I mention we have the CUTEST princess Christmas wrapping paper EVER? It was donated by a sweet friend who just knew it would make me smile :-)

Decorating her room is coming along bit by bit. I have found the neatest things on Etsy! I love that website and all the folks who have such an incredible God-given gift to create such beautiful things!

And our Selah Celebration! I usually host a pretty big cookie exchange party in December and somehow get amazing women to bake somewhere around 7 dozen cookies! It is usually a wonderful time because it is a chance to get to see so many of my dear friends that I don't always get to connect with. This year, however, my friends knew my spirits were a little low and knew that hosting the party would be rough. So, because they are just so stinkin' good to me, they confiscated the party and turned it into a shower of sorts! It was so good for my heart. I was able to share all the pictures I have of our sweet little girl, be blessed with some of the most adorable little outfits, bracelets, and hair pretties,  AND the gals even made a collection for the orphanage. When we were last there, the director had told us that what they really dreamed of being able to do was to take a group of children to the Black Sea for a week of fun and therapy. Of course, they would not be able to do it on their regular funds (which are minimal) and it would only happen through donation. So, I am so very very happy to say that we are going to be able to get this donation to them and give those precious little treasures the opportunity to explore beyond the walls of their orphanage and to simply have fun like they have never before experienced! I am just so thankful for all the loving people God has surrounded us with in our life. I cannot imagine this journey without the support of so many! Again, He is just so good!

In closing I am going to post the video I posted last year at this time. It is the song called "Merry Christmas" by Third Day. It is a song written about a little girl in an orphanage waiting for her mommy. Get out the kleenex if you are even the least bit of an emotional sort of person! Last year I had hoped would be the last Christmas without Selah home, but we have this one more and I am so very thankful that it is just this one more. I know as we go through and meet other families and watch as they bring their babies home, it is often bittersweet. Please know, that I am with all of you in prayer as you have either brought your child home already, or are in Bulgaria right now (as one friend is!) picking up your child, making travel plans to get them, or are still in the ever challenging stage of waiting. My heart and my prayers are with each and every one of you this Christmas.

He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and compassionate.Psalm
111:14

“Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’” Matthew 1:23

Christmas Prayers for Our Little Girl

As I wait for you my faith claims the promises given to me from our awesome God above.

Right now I am not yet holding you in my arms, but I am holding you ever so tightly in my heart.

On this Christmas Eve I crave to know your little face and how it would feel to hold you in my arms and rock you to sleep this very night…

And to know which toy would be your favorite and which of the cookies would you eat to your heart’s delight?

To know if Santa seemed friendly or would he be a scary sight…?

And to see your eyes light up as we shared the Christmas Story sitting by the firelight.

I envision your little face halfway around the world and I allow myself to think…

Did you have the chance to giggle tonight…to play….or cuddle warmly as you fell asleep?

Or….was there no giggling… instead did you feel lonely… trying desperately to feel some warmth and slip into sleep tonight?

But that is not the thought on which I will allow myself to remain

Because I know God’s faithfulness…His love will reign..

And that is where I put my faith…my hopes…my dreams.

On this day we celebrate the birth of our Lord

And He so gently etches deep upon my heart the love He has for us.

It’s a time to celebrate that love

And share it with all those around us and count our blessings one by one.

And, oh, that Love is so amazing and filled with promises…

Promises of joy, and peace, and freedom, and redemption…

And adoption.

So, I cling to those promises and I cling to what I know He can do.

He can take the sadness and replace it with joy.

He can take the lonely away and make a loving family.

And He can bring an overwhelming sense of peace and love that will change that cold to warmth.

If only you could hear my prayer across the world….

You would know my prayer is

for you to know

And for you to feel

The love from God...this great love that can cover it all.

I pray His love is wrapping around you warm and tight

And bringing joy to your heart even when the world is offering none.

I pray that you feel my love even now….even though you don’t know me.

But I believe He is already teaching you about me….

Because long ago He created a special little place in my heart for you, my little one,

A place that makes my heart ache because it longs to hold you tight.

It’s a place in my heart God created with your fingerprints etched all over it

And someday, you and only you, will be able to lay claim to that space.

So my sweet child, while I wait for you, I will claim His promises of love, comfort, and protection from all that may come your way.

And then that day will come!

That day will come when the arms of our Savior,

The very same arms that have been holding you tight,

Will reach out, bring us together, and allow me to hold you so very tight.

I see that day coming…and oh how hard it is to wait,

But, sweet child, when He brings us together

His perfect plan will finally be complete!!

The waiting will be over and then we can begin the next stretch of the journey together…

Forever….as a family.

Merry Christmas, my sweet Selah.

With all my love,

Mommy