Christmas Once Again

We have not yet heard anything...but I am not giving up hope yet!  I'm really taking either what you could call the "stubborn" route, or the "living safely in my bubble" route! I think I'll stick with calling it anticipating with faith from every corner of my heart.

We have really tried to focus on the fun....buying presents for Selah that she can open whenever she comes home and is ready, decorating her room, and even a beautiful little gathering hosted by some just as beautiful friends in honor of Selah!

Oooooo, the presents! I know that our two boys have had just as much fun as us shopping for our little sweet pea! They are adorable in the way they ALWAYS have her on their minds and in their hearts. AND, did I mention we have the CUTEST princess Christmas wrapping paper EVER? It was donated by a sweet friend who just knew it would make me smile :-)

Decorating her room is coming along bit by bit. I have found the neatest things on Etsy! I love that website and all the folks who have such an incredible God-given gift to create such beautiful things!

And our Selah Celebration! I usually host a pretty big cookie exchange party in December and somehow get amazing women to bake somewhere around 7 dozen cookies! It is usually a wonderful time because it is a chance to get to see so many of my dear friends that I don't always get to connect with. This year, however, my friends knew my spirits were a little low and knew that hosting the party would be rough. So, because they are just so stinkin' good to me, they confiscated the party and turned it into a shower of sorts! It was so good for my heart. I was able to share all the pictures I have of our sweet little girl, be blessed with some of the most adorable little outfits, bracelets, and hair pretties,  AND the gals even made a collection for the orphanage. When we were last there, the director had told us that what they really dreamed of being able to do was to take a group of children to the Black Sea for a week of fun and therapy. Of course, they would not be able to do it on their regular funds (which are minimal) and it would only happen through donation. So, I am so very very happy to say that we are going to be able to get this donation to them and give those precious little treasures the opportunity to explore beyond the walls of their orphanage and to simply have fun like they have never before experienced! I am just so thankful for all the loving people God has surrounded us with in our life. I cannot imagine this journey without the support of so many! Again, He is just so good!

In closing I am going to post the video I posted last year at this time. It is the song called "Merry Christmas" by Third Day. It is a song written about a little girl in an orphanage waiting for her mommy. Get out the kleenex if you are even the least bit of an emotional sort of person! Last year I had hoped would be the last Christmas without Selah home, but we have this one more and I am so very thankful that it is just this one more. I know as we go through and meet other families and watch as they bring their babies home, it is often bittersweet. Please know, that I am with all of you in prayer as you have either brought your child home already, or are in Bulgaria right now (as one friend is!) picking up your child, making travel plans to get them, or are still in the ever challenging stage of waiting. My heart and my prayers are with each and every one of you this Christmas.

He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and compassionate.Psalm
111:14

“Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’” Matthew 1:23

His Way of Molding a Heart

We don't really have much news. Our agency called and told us that the MOJ needed an extra copy of that 1-800A form that gave us such headaches....Not really good news, but at least we know that someone is working on our file rather than it being in the pile of files on the desk of someone who has left for the month! So, I am still praying boldly that a court hearing will be scheduled before Christmas! I know that I may sound a bit wacky...but praying with anticipation and a faith that is simply expecting God to come through right now is getting me by each day. I may be a mess come Christmas, but I KNOW God will get me through that, too, if it does happen to happen (but it won't!)!

But, in the meantime, I wanted to share something so adorable that my son, Zachary, wrote. Last weekend I had him and his brother each take a "quiet time" in their separate rooms. They didn't want to nap, but we all needed a wee little break from each other! So, after about an hour, Zach comes downstairs and asks me if he can share a story he had been writing while in his room. He started reading it and I, of course, started crying (doesn't take much these days). I won't tell you what it was all about, rather, I will just post it here below. But, as you read, just think of the way God has molded his sweet little heart through our adoption process. We started the process almost 2 years ago, so at 8 years old now, that is 25% of his life waiting for his sister and learning about orphans and adoption. I am so thankful to God for the way He has filled the hearts of both of our boys with so much love and compassion for the things that break God's heart most. How amazing that at 8 years old, he really gets it...he gets what the heart of adoption is all about.

The Christmas Wish

By

Zachary Schumaker

Once upon a time there lived a six-year-old boy named Jonathan. He was an orphan little boy. He was very lonely. In the orphanage, he had no friends at all. That made him even more sad. But, the thing that made him the saddest of all was that he had no Mother, no Father, no brother, no sister, and no pets at all. He had never even known his parents. He only knew that when his birth mother had given him away, she had said that God and Jesus would always be shining with him.

He sat in the orphanage year after year. As he got older he got lonelier and lonelier. He sat by the telephone waiting and waiting for it to ring. He sat there for six years. One day, finally the telephone rang. Mary, one of the helpers, answered the telephone. When she got off the telephone, she had a big smile. Jonathan asked, “Why are you smiling so big?’ Mary said, “A family named the Fanners want to adopt you.”


The Fanners had a boy named Angelo and a girl named Kailyn, a dog named Rover and a Mom named Susie and a Dad named Michael. Jonathan was so happy that he ran all over the orphanage screaming and yelling with joy!


On November 26, 2009 the Fanners flew to North Africa to see their six-year-old son, Jonathan. Right as they saw Jonathan, they knew that he was the one that Jesus planned for their new family.


When Jonathan saw his parents for the first time, he jumped up and ran to hug them and his brother and sister. The new brothers and sister played and laughed so much. Jonathan smiled for the first time in his life.


Angelo and Kailyn taught Jonnathan English, too. They stayed in Africa for two whole weeks. On December 4, 2009, they brought Jonathan home. The family got Jonathan for Christmas and Jonathan got his family. Little Jonathan got a tricycle, a DS, and a new puppy for the beginning of his new life for Christmas. Little Jonathan said he had his number one Christmas ever. But, the best present of all was his family.

“God places the lonely in families.” Psalm 68:6

What Happens When You Surrender

I left you with my last post at a point where I had finally realized I needed to surrender myself and all my desires and needs to God...I realized that I needed to be extremely honest and "real" with Him so that I could lay down what I wanted and let God work.

So...what happened? At first, just an incredible sense of peace that gave me the strength and the conviction to know that even if this adoption journey took me 5 years, I was ready to be on the journey. It was a sense of peace that allowed me to truly give this little girl back to God. I was no longer saying it with words that didn't connect to my heart...the peace was proof that my heart, mind, and soul were all in alignment. I had decided that there was a reason....maybe I was just meant to intercede on her behalf in prayer throughout her life and I could thank God for that incredible privelege that would let me be a part of her life forever, even if she didn't know it or ever know me.

So about a week passed and I happened to remember that I had not ever checked out an adoption chat group that I had signed up for before any of this had ever begun. I opened my account and saw over 600 emails! Yikes! SO....I deleted many and then just started reading some interesting threads. After a few days of reading I noticed one person who would just make the most positive posts that were just so encouraging to my heart. They were a voice of reason within a sometimes sea of frustration! After following this person's story I decided to send her an email to say thank you for the encouragement, positive comments, and voice of reason. That email began email communication between us and eventually she connected me to someone else she thought I would connect with.

Well.....from here the story becomes even more miraculous and I wish I could share it all, but I don't want to possibly say too much due to regulations. But God (isn't that always the case...but GOD!! ) made one thing transpire into another and before I knew it, the knowledge that this little girl that we had so fallen in love with in January, was once again available!!! Our caseworker and agency had no idea and they were just as stunned as I was. At first, I couldn't believe it was true. I kept thinking it had to be another little girl with the same name or something!! But no....it was her! Our family was in a state of shock but in complete agreement that we would re-apply immediately!

Ooooo, after we have her home, I will share more, but if you could only know how powerfully I felt the Holy Spirit...in my prayer time as I sought His guidance....in worship at Church when I felt His comfort. I have never in my life felt Him so near to me as I have felt Him in the last 2 1/2 monthsand the unfolding of these events....It is so awesome...I just want the world to feel what I have felt :-)

We applied again and waited almost three weeks and got our approval! Our caseworker called when I was on the way home from school with the boys and I was crying and laughing and the boys were absolutely screaming with joy!!!! Our sweet caseworker joined right in with us and was just so happy for all of us!!! It was truly one of my life's greatest moments!

Now we are doing paperwork and waiting for our travel dates...hopefully it will be soon :-)

I'll leave you with this verse from the book of Ezra. It was an evening I was desperately seeking guidance from Him and I asked Him to direct me to the book and the verse He desired me to hear....and this is it:

Then I proclaimed a fast there, at the river Ahava, that we might humble ourselves beofre our God to seek from Him a straight and right way for us, our little ones, and all our possessions. Ezra 8:21

And verse 23 showed me just how true His promises are in the here and now:

So we fasted and besought our God for this,

and He heard our entreaty.

Exciting News!

The Lord once again shook up my little version of how things would happen and showed me that I am sooooo not in control of His plan....because...that is exactly it....it's His plan, not mine!!!

Well, the other day I opened up an email that had waiting children listed in it, and opened a photo that made my heart pound, my hands shake, and my tears fall! I seriously got so warm I thought I might pass out...yes, I know, just a bit unstable :-)

So, after much discussion and prayer, we have decided to apply to adopt this little girl! Hopefully we will find out Friday if she will be ours! I am trying desperately to guard my heart and be ready to accept God's will if we don't get her, but oh how I would appreciate your prayers for this little girl, for our hearts, and for God's Hand to be guiding the direction of the MOJ!

I'll keep you posted!

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.  Hebrews 10:36

Third Day

I just couldn't let the whole Christmas Season pass without posting this.... I absolutely cannot stay dry-eyed when I hear this song! For those of you who have already adopted or are in the process....doesn't this song just seem to give words to the feelings living in not only your heart, but in the depths of your soul?

Christmas Prayers for Our Little Girl

As I wait for you my faith claims the promises given to me from our awesome God above.

Right now I am not yet holding you in my arms, but I am holding you ever so tightly in my heart.

On this Christmas Eve I crave to know your little face and how it would feel to hold you in my arms and rock you to sleep this very night…

And to know which toy would be your favorite and which of the cookies would you eat to your heart’s delight?

To know if Santa seemed friendly or would he be a scary sight…?

And to see your eyes light up as we shared the Christmas Story sitting by the firelight.

I envision your little face halfway around the world and I allow myself to think…

Did you have the chance to giggle tonight…to play….or cuddle warmly as you fell asleep?

Or….was there no giggling… instead did you feel lonely… trying desperately to feel some warmth and slip into sleep tonight?

But that is not the thought on which I will allow myself to remain

Because I know God’s faithfulness…His love will reign..

And that is where I put my faith…my hopes…my dreams.

On this day we celebrate the birth of our Lord

And He so gently etches deep upon my heart the love He has for us.

It’s a time to celebrate that love

And share it with all those around us and count our blessings one by one.

And, oh, that Love is so amazing and filled with promises…

Promises of joy, and peace, and freedom, and redemption…

And adoption.

So, I cling to those promises and I cling to what I know He can do.

He can take the sadness and replace it with joy.

He can take the lonely away and make a loving family.

And He can bring an overwhelming sense of peace and love that will change that cold to warmth.

If only you could hear my prayer across the world….

You would know my prayer is

for you to know

And for you to feel

The love from God...this great love that can cover it all.

I pray His love is wrapping around you warm and tight

And bringing joy to your heart even when the world is offering none.

I pray that you feel my love even now….even though you don’t know me.

But I believe He is already teaching you about me….

Because long ago He created a special little place in my heart for you, my little one,

A place that makes my heart ache because it longs to hold you tight.

It’s a place in my heart God created with your fingerprints etched all over it

And someday, you and only you, will be able to lay claim to that space.

So my sweet child, while I wait for you, I will claim His promises of love, comfort, and protection from all that may come your way.

And then that day will come!

That day will come when the arms of our Savior,

The very same arms that have been holding you tight,

Will reach out, bring us together, and allow me to hold you so very tight.

I see that day coming…and oh how hard it is to wait,

But, sweet child, when He brings us together

His perfect plan will finally be complete!!

The waiting will be over and then we can begin the next stretch of the journey together…

Forever….as a family.

Merry Christmas, my sweet Selah.

With all my love,

Mommy

Biometrics

We have completed our “biometrics” (digital fingerprints) that are a part of the NBC approval! It sounds so official and we have waited so long for our “appointment” but it honestly was one of the quickest processes of this adoption! We were in and out in less than 15 minutes! Praise God!

But I do have to give a brief, but sweet mention to the security guard at the front who in a very gruff way made sure to announce to me that I best not have a cell phone in my purse, and that it MUST be left in the car. My first impression was that he was quite intimidating…but as we reentered the building and he saw my 4-year-old and his best little friend in the world, Kourtny, tag along behind me, his eyes lit up with joy. It was so absolutely adorable. He just couldn’t stop laughing and smiling at our two little cuties!

Now? Now we are just waiting for our approval letter and for the confirmation that our dossier has finished translation. Both of these things should happen at approximately the same time. Then….then we just WAIT for what feels like could be close to forever!

Galatians 5:2-232 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Please come, Holy Spirit, and fill me with the patience I know will only come from You!

Our Paperwork is Almost Done!

Well, the NBC (National Benefits Center) application has been filed, and all other documents needed for the dossier have been notarized, apostilled, and mailed off to All God’s Children so that they can begin the process of translating all the documents into the Bulgarian language. That means that we are almost finished with our paperwork! Now, we will wait for our NBC approval which can take 2-3 months. When we get that, hopefully the translating process will be finished and then we can be registered with the Bulgarian Minister of Justice. Please pray for favor in the approval and translating processes so that we can get one step closer to bringing our Selah home. I don’t want her to spend even a second more than absolutely necessary in any situation where she does not have the love of her very own forever family…the kind of love that I so wish every child in this world had.

I find myself amazed at how God knew before time began that our family would someday adopt…How He knew that He would place that desire deep within our souls. And here we are now having been given the privilege of realizing His grand plan…of feeling that ache in our hearts. As we take each step, I realize that plan even more. Each time I complete something, learn something, or as time simply passes, I find that new feelings erupt and an even stronger emotion and awareness occurs within me. I think how incredibly amazing it is that God knew I would feel this way…even when I never ever imagined the way I would feel!

Even though it could be another year until we get to cuddle and hold Selah in our arms, she is already a part of our family. We think of her all the time and can’t help but talk about her constantly! Zachary and Landon talk to others and write about their sister as if they already know and love her. Our little Zachary closes his prayer EVERY night with “Lord, please take care of Selah and tell her we love her. Let her mommy love her as best she can and don’t let Selah be hurt. Please just let her mommy love her and just not be able to afford her.” Every night he says this, my heart splits in two. It cries out to God repeating my son’s words and asking that He protect her and let her feel the love of a birth mother. But it also aches for the mother that has to surrender her child because she cannot care for her; A Mother that loves her child to a point of surrendering her…surrendering her to the faith that her child will live a better life apart from her. And then?...then I am left firmly standing in faith that God’s Word is Truth and that His Truth says He will make all things good and that from even a tragedy and injustice such as this… He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, and festive praise instead of despair. (Isaiah 61:3)

Our Adoption Story

Our adoption story starts years ago with my very young heart that simply seemed to melt for all the children of our world. My passion was children in general, but my ache was for those without families…without a Mommy to love them and call their very own. This ache gave birth to a dream….a dream that said possibly, maybe, someday God would bless my life with the story of adoption.

Fast forward many years to the miracle of marrying my incredible husband and having two beautiful biological sons. When Bryan and I decided to have a child, we knew our lives would be forever changed…but we never could even imagine how our hearts could so completely transform into these gobs of mush at the sight of our first child…and the pain our hearts could feel when we learned our little guy was sick and would need doctor’s care and surgery to be healthy someday. My heart literally exploded with love when my both our children were born. I had never before known how deep love can run until I saw them and held them close in my arms…. and then saw their big strong father holding them in his ever so gentle embrace. My feelings of awe and of thankfulness toward our Heavenly Father all came together at that moment and all I could think was how blessed I was that He so lovingly gave me these beautiful boys to call my own here on earth. At that moment…the moment of the miracle of each child’s birth, I understood His incomparable magnificence better than I ever had before. It was that love that Christ gave to me for my biological children that in turn made my heart ache even more for those who didn’t have a mommy to call their own.

The story continues about 3 ½ years later when close friends of ours began the journey of adopting a little girl from China. Their story was a motivation to us as we watched the miracle of adoption take place. I watched and listened and tried to be there as this family went through all the ups and downs of the adoption process. Then the day came of the referral! What a miracle it truly was….the moment I saw this little girl’s photo, I knew that she had been handpicked to be a part of that family! As my friend traveled, I cried almost daily reading each of her blog entries that told the story of finally getting to hold her daughter in her arms and tell her how much she loved her. I cried in the airport as I saw her daddy get tears in his eyes and completely melt as he held his daughter for the first time. And since then? There haven’t been anymore tears…only celebration for this child and this family! A little girl who has flourished beyond words…whose little eyes sparkle just like the princess she is….A princess to the one and only King! There is no sign of a little orphan girl, but rather a complete transformation to a child absolutely cherished and forever loved.

As time passed, Bryan and I talked a little here and there about the possibility of us adopting a little girl. He was concerned about finances and wanted to be sure that we could embark on this journey without putting our family at risk. He worried about all the things a good father worries about. But, God moved in our lives and provided the finances, calmed the worries in Bryan’s heart, and guided all of us to a place of knowing that our family was not yet complete, but through adoption He would complete our family.

In November of 2008 we officially decided that Bulgaria was where God would have our little girl waiting for us. In January of 2009 we decided on All God’s Children International as our adoption agency and in February of 2009 we completed a pre-application. That step took a little longer than expected because I had to get letters written from my doctors regarding a couple of health issues I have. But, we finished that and then sent in our official application on March 8, 2009. The timeline has progressed as follows:

• March 8, 2009 - Application to All God’s Children International
• April 16, 2009 - Completed Orientation phone call
• April 23, 2009 - Signed, notarized, and sent in contract paperwork with payment
• June 10, 2009 - Completed Education (Amen!)
• June 13, 2009 - Last home study visit
• June 27, 2009 - Home study rough draft complete and sent to AGCI for revision

So, as every day passes I feel this sense of urgency that seems to grow and intensify. Maybe it is because each day brings us a little closer and makes it all seem a little more tangible. And maybe it is because I know now that our little Selah (our name we have picked out for her) has been born somewhere in Bulgaria. I know that she is alive, but that she doesn’t know that we are here waiting for the day that we can wrap our arms around her and love her forever. We pray for her every day…we pray that the Lord comforts her and fills her with a peace and joy that can come from only Him and an unnatural assurance that she, too, will have a forever family. We pray that whoever is caring for her right now handles her with gentleness and love and tries to the best of their ability to meet her needs. We pray that her birth mother loves her with all that she has and finds comfort from the Lord in the midst of her decision to bring her child to an orphanage. Please join us in these prayers as we wait for the day we can bring our Selah home.