Keeping My Eyes on the Lord

Emotions. Emotions. And MORE emotions.

This wait is so stinkin' hard. There are days I want to curl up under the covers and cry...and days I want to therapeutically shop until I drop. There are also the days when I want to scream at someone...anyone will do. The other night I was driving up north in a mountainous region and had one bad mishap that involved a flat tire and then not 10 miles after finally getting back on the road, a police officer pulled me over! I guess I had been going a little too fast, but he never even got the opportunity to tell me how fast I was going! That was because I burst into voracious tears immediately and could say nothing more than to squeak out that it had been a horrible week. It was seriously ALL I COULD DO to not tell this poor man about our little girl waiting for us halfway around the world and our paperwork being majorly delayed! Can you just imagine him thinking "oh, boy, what have I just gotten myself into?'. Can you believe that in the midst of this chaos, God sent me this kind and compassionate officer who only looked at me for a second and then felt compelled to spend the rest of his time trying to calm me down and reassure me that he wouldn't be giving me a ticket?!!! Soooooo,  in the midst of each of my chaotic emotions, I keep reminding myself to keep my eyes on the Lord and claim His promises for our family.

Over the last few days, I have been reading Isaiah and God has spoken to me so clearly from there and has gently reminded me where to keep my focus. You see, we have not yet received our NBC approval. The short story is that it began with our original home study parameters saying we wanted to adopt a child between the ages of 0 and 3. Well, our Selah is 4. So, the officer handling our paperwork said we had to submit an addendum from our social worker stating that we are approved for a 4-year-old child. We took care of that and I fed-exed everything there only to have it sit in the Texas office for 2 1/2 weeks before it was sent to our officer in Missouri. THEN, our officer decided that the addendum was not sufficient, but that we needed to have a home visit AND our state CPS checks redone. We are hoping for this to all be in the hands of the officer next week and then I pray approved immediately.

I just couldn't believe that we would have all these issues on this side of the paperwork. I expected glitches...but later, once the paperwork was in Bulgaria. Maybe now that we have already provided brand new copies of practically everything, all the other various offices, people, and judges that will be looking at our paperwork will not find anything to question or request. Maybe? Hopefully?

So, back to Isaiah. In Isaiah 54, God tells me that "No weapon that is formed against me shall prosper". Satan loves to mess with all things that are good. I recently read that marriage and adoption are the two most powerful covenants we make to honor God. Because these two covenants are so powerful, Satan works overtime to try to destroy them. As we travel along this journey of adoption, we all know how gut-wrenchingly painful things can be. I wonder how many people have either not taken the journey or have walked away from it because of the attacks of our enemy. 

But God. Our amazing, powerful, loving, and ever faithful God! He tells us that

• He will not allow any weapons from the enemy to prosper against us.
• He will open doors before us, so that gates will not be shut.
• He will go before us and level the mountains
• He will contend with them who contend  with us, and He will give safety to our children and ease them.
• He will go before us and also be our rear guard.
• His word never returns void, it always accomplishes its purpose.
• He has set watchmen around us to guard us day and night.
• He loves justice.

And all of that is JUST IN ISAIAH! Imagine what the rest of His word promises us!

I have been witness to and lived out the power of God, and the power of His word. So, I'm not going to get stuck crying under my covers or caught frightening police officers with my tears. Rather, I am going to be claiming the word of the Lord over our adoption journey and over each and every one of your adoption journeys as well. There is not a weapon the enemy can try against any of us that will prevail. He can just give up now, 'cuz all of us are bringin' our babies home!

Our Paperwork is Almost Done!

Well, the NBC (National Benefits Center) application has been filed, and all other documents needed for the dossier have been notarized, apostilled, and mailed off to All God’s Children so that they can begin the process of translating all the documents into the Bulgarian language. That means that we are almost finished with our paperwork! Now, we will wait for our NBC approval which can take 2-3 months. When we get that, hopefully the translating process will be finished and then we can be registered with the Bulgarian Minister of Justice. Please pray for favor in the approval and translating processes so that we can get one step closer to bringing our Selah home. I don’t want her to spend even a second more than absolutely necessary in any situation where she does not have the love of her very own forever family…the kind of love that I so wish every child in this world had.

I find myself amazed at how God knew before time began that our family would someday adopt…How He knew that He would place that desire deep within our souls. And here we are now having been given the privilege of realizing His grand plan…of feeling that ache in our hearts. As we take each step, I realize that plan even more. Each time I complete something, learn something, or as time simply passes, I find that new feelings erupt and an even stronger emotion and awareness occurs within me. I think how incredibly amazing it is that God knew I would feel this way…even when I never ever imagined the way I would feel!

Even though it could be another year until we get to cuddle and hold Selah in our arms, she is already a part of our family. We think of her all the time and can’t help but talk about her constantly! Zachary and Landon talk to others and write about their sister as if they already know and love her. Our little Zachary closes his prayer EVERY night with “Lord, please take care of Selah and tell her we love her. Let her mommy love her as best she can and don’t let Selah be hurt. Please just let her mommy love her and just not be able to afford her.” Every night he says this, my heart splits in two. It cries out to God repeating my son’s words and asking that He protect her and let her feel the love of a birth mother. But it also aches for the mother that has to surrender her child because she cannot care for her; A Mother that loves her child to a point of surrendering her…surrendering her to the faith that her child will live a better life apart from her. And then?...then I am left firmly standing in faith that God’s Word is Truth and that His Truth says He will make all things good and that from even a tragedy and injustice such as this… He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, and festive praise instead of despair. (Isaiah 61:3)