Reality is setting in. Today was still a miracle and I am so thankful to God for each moment He has given us…but the reality of our situation and the fact that tomorrow (Thursday) will be our last day with Selah before we leave kept lurking in the background of our minds.
Before we left this morning I was reading my Bible, and in it I read II Corinthians 3:17 which says “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom). God always works in such creative ways to show us the words He wants us to hear. This verse had been one that a very close friend of mine has referred to before in her own prayer life over her child and she had recently prayed that scripture in regards to Selah and the whole adoption process. I knew when I read it that I needed to be claiming that promise from God over our Selah’s life today.
When we arrived today we were alone and without our translator so it was a different situation for Selah. When she first entered the room where we were waiting for her, she seemed a bit hesitant at first, but then she came over to us with a big hug…but the hug for some reason made her nervous…and she began to show some typical institutional behaviors. We had seen these behaviors a little bit the last few days, but today was just like I earlier stated…reality. It hit me so hard and so deep… to the very depths of my heart that this precious little girl who I already love as though she had been born from me…has spent the last four years rocking herself to find comfort…tapping her hands to the side of her head to find comfort…It was reality that my daughter didn’t have a Mommy or Daddy or special someone to pick her up when she was hurt…to kiss the booboos away, to make the scary nightmare disappear, or to simply help her through any of the moments of insecurity in her life. I think of all the times our boys have needed that extra time in the rocking chair, or their backs beings rubbed, or the quiet moments where they could sit on my lap and cry about the disappointments in life. She has never had that…instead she has had to find a way to comfort herself in her moments of stress, sadness, nervousness, or hurt. My heart grieved.
In the midst of the grieving, God reminded me to come to Him. I prayed…I prayed and claimed His promises for freedom from any hurt, ache, or emptiness from her past. I prayed for peace and joy to fill her heart. I prayed that we could meet her immediate needs right at that moment. I prayed for His Holy Spirit to live in her heart…to reign over all her troubles…over all the areas where life had let her down. I held her in my arms, rubbing her back, and silently prayed. And then God, our awesome God, met us right where we were and a peace and calm came over our little Selah and the happy, giggly, spunky little girl was back with the biggest, cutest smile you could ever imagine! We’d made it through. I was given the blessing of giving her physical comfort in her time of need and God calmed her little spirit and set her free.
After that the day went well. We read a couple of books from Grandma and played with the playdough she loves so much. She particularly loved the one book that is a touch and feel book and she would rub the soft fur part of each animal listed in the story to her face and say "awwwww...". So cute! Then we went for a walk again to the village and to the park where she had another bottle of juice, but this time she chose peach juice! She definitely had the straw function mastered and downed that bottle of juice in less than five minutes! She was NOT setting that bottle down until it was ALL gone! From there we went for another walk along a little path to a little country church that was hundreds of years old and very pretty. She wasn’t crazy about walking uphill so I picked her up and carried her. We sang songs together and cuddled all the way up the hill! She has an incredible ability to hear a song and then hum the melody almost perfectly! She held on so tight and kept holding my face and playing with my hair and giving me sweet kisses. I really think my heart just may burst…literally!
On the way down the hill, she wanted to run and have us chase her…I was worried because her muscle tone is not great and she hasn’t had many opportunities to run and develop those muscles. My worries came to fruition and she fell down and bumped her head. She had quite a goose egg on her forehead. I felt horrible! The positive was that when it happened and I quickly picked her up and held her and tried to kiss the booboos…she calmed down. I thanked God that He has again allowed me to be her comfort. Just as I am always so thankful that He has allowed me to be the Mommy to Zach and Landon and given me the blessing of being their physical comfort, I am praising Him now that He has given me this same opportunity with Selah. She is quite an amazingly tough little thing though, because even with that big ‘ol goose egg, she was finished crying and giggling again in about 5 minutes!
We brought her back to the orphanage because it was time for lunch and Bryan put kisses in her little pocket and without us even have to explain it to her, she took the kisses out of her pocket and plopped them on her lips! Precious!
In the afternoon we went back and immediately Selah was comfortable again. I praised God for her comfort and her peace…she didn’t show any of the nervousness as she had that morning. It had gotten quite chilly so we only played outside for a little bit and then went inside to play in the little room. We went through every toy and every creative idea we had for the next two hours in a room that is approximately 5’ x 10’ and filled with furniture. It kind of reminds me of waiting in a Doctor’s office with a small child and trying to amuse them! Bryan is soooooooo good at being silly so we did great and Selah and him had a blast being absolutely silly together! She cracks us up with her wild sense of humor! I think the Schumaker home is truly going to someday be comedy central with Mommy bearing the brunt of it all! :-)
As our time came to an end tonight, she went away easily because she was hungry and ready for dinner, but I guess when she realized she was going back to all the children and we weren’t coming with her, she began to cry…. How are we going to get through the next few months?
Please, Lord, I am asking for speed in this process…please do not let any paperwork be delayed…let us all be together soon
5 days ago