Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Twelve More Days!.

It is actually only ten more days until we travel, but "Gotcha' Day" is twelve more. So, ten days to get as much nesting accomplished as possible! I've been keeping very busy with checking off my "to-dos" on my looooooong list. It has been a bit tough, though, because we have a year-round school schedule so my boys are on their second week of spring break. They go back to school next Tuesday. I've been trying my best to simply enjoy them because I know that life will be very different in just a couple of weeks!

Tonight I called Selah. If I call at midnight, it is 10:00 am there. It is one of the timeframes that works well for the director and caretakers. Usually we call in the mornings, but my husband couldn't make the call with me in the morning, so I called on my own tonight while he was sleeping.

At first the call went very well. Selah was so happy and so full of giggles and "Mommy mommy, mommy"! I've learned enough Bulgaria to understand that she was now potty trained...YES!!! Happy Dance for that one!! She also seemed to understand that I was coming on an airplane, too, so I feel that they are really trying to help her be prepared for our arrival and all that will follow.  I was smiling big and feeling great that it was such a good conversation, but then, all of a sudden, my sweet little girl started crying hysterically...truly hyserically.  I kept saying anything I could think of like... "it's okay" and "don't cry" and "are you okay?' ...the only things I could spit out in Bulgarian.It went on for what seemed like an eternity while her caretaker kept repeating "don't cry" and "be quiet"....then they hung up. Ugh. My heart broke and my stomach was immediately tied in knots. Now what?

But here is the amazing thing. Just prior to my call, I was reading one of my daily devotions I get in my inbox. This one was from Proverbs 31 Ministries and was called "When I'm Not There, God Is". It is a discussion of the struggles we have as moms with worrying about our children when they are not in our care. The scripture that went with it was
"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."
Psalm 91:11 (NIV)

As I read the devotion, I had immediately connected it to all my children and especially to Selah. I thought "Thank You, God, for that reassurance" and went to make the telephone call. Can you believe how good He was to me? That was the exact word I needed to not become an emotional wreck once again after that phone call!

My very close friend used to have great fun teasing me by claiming that God was always so gentle with me! Not long ago, though, she admitted He hadn't been quite as gentle over the last couple of years. But, just over the last couple of weeks, I have once again begun to feel His gentleness surrounding me. It has been as if He knew I needed a little something extra to remind me of His promises and to hold on to His Word...His truth. Tonight, it felt as though it were Him telling me that it is going to be okay. I may not be with Selah yet, but even in the midst of her tears and in the moments when I ache to wipe her tears away and hug her until she smiles once again....He is with her and He will protect her and care for her. Just as His Word says, He is commanding His angels to guard my sweet Selah in all her ways!

I will close with the prayer written at the end of the devotion (written by Glynnis Whitwer):

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for caring for my children even more than I do. Thank You for hearing my prayers, and for protecting my children. Help me to learn to trust You more, and to pray more about even the smallest details of their lives. I want to be a woman and mom who trusts You, the true source of all help. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Gotcha' Day...April 4, 2011

It is really true...we have our official travel dates! We leave April 2nd and return April 9th! It feels almost surreal. I'm almost scared to fully feel the joy...the guards around my heart are not wanting to let go! But, let go they must...because Selah is comin' home!

Last week had some bleak moments when we learned that there had been an error on our court decree and that it would cause another delay. Delay was not a word my heart could handle very well. There were more tears and then plain ol' anger...but in the end, the delay was only two extra weeks from our initial tentative dates. As it turns out, "Gotcha Day" will be exactly seven months from the time we left our sweet girl.

Seven months is a long time. It is forever in the life of a 4-year-old. My brain and heart has run wild lately. I started letting my mind think things that are absolutely contrary to the Word of God. I worried about the loss of developmental time, the loss of bonding time, the loss of intervention time, the loss, the loss, the loss. (I think you get my point!)  But God ever so gently filled my heart with the reminder that He is God, the very same One Who created the universe. Time is not of concern to Him. He is bigger than time. He is bigger than any loss I can ever come up with. He has a plan for Selah and there is nothing in this world that can stop that plan....not 4 1/2 years...and definitely not 7 months!

A few months before we began our adoption process Salvador had released a song called "Aware". I know I am always posting song lyrics and Youtube videos, but it is because music is just a part of my wiring! Every big moment in life I can recall through music. So, I fell in love with the song "Aware" because it is a calling out to God to "make me aware" of how He is in every detail of our lives from the small to the big, from the insignificant to the life-changing. One line in the song says:

"Take my world, turn it around, so that the obvious can finally be found."

I prayed those words because I felt such an intense stirring in my soul that said there was something I was supposed to be doing. So I prayed that God would break my heart for what breaks His, and that He would make me so aware of His presence in my life that I would never forget that it is Him in me that makes all things possible.

That prayer was answered tenfold. I have been taught over and over again that He is in every detail. He has been there in times of joy and in times of sadness. He has loved me when I was angry at others and even angry at Him. He has forgiven me for each sinful thought, word, and deed throughout the last two years and especially throughout the last few months! And now, as we prepare for the last leg of this portion of our journey with Selah, I know that the obvious has finally been found. He did turn my world upside down...and I am so incredibly thankful.

Here's the song with lyrics:

P.S. God's designing of the number 7 to represent perfection...pretty cool, huh?! I think I will receive that as a Word from Him that reminds me of His perfect timing and that everything is going to be just fine:-)

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I Can't Wait!

Today is my sweet Zachary's 9th birthday! He is growing up so fast and I am so proud of who he is becoming! I'll have to post some pictures later, 'cuz I want to list the first four folks who posted so I can get addresses and send off these books tomorrow! Zach's birthday party starts in about a half hour...nothing like crunching as much into the day as possible! :-)

Okay...Shelley, Maire, Viviane, and Debby! If you send me an email with your addresses I would LOVE to send Reckless Faith out to you!!!

Have a wonderful and blessed remainder of your Sunday!

Smiles and blessings,

Friday, March 4, 2011

A Huge Thank You!

I wanted to send out a great big "Thank You" to everyone who has so lovingly supported us in thoughts and prayers throughout this journey. We have learned soooooooo many things along the way and God has used the last couple of years to teach us so many very important things about Him...about life on this side of the cross...and about who He wants us to become. One of those "things" He has taught us, is a whole new appreciation for the kindness of others. So, thank you...thank you...thank you for sharing your hearts with us, for encouraging us when the disappointments were huge, and for celebrating with us when the news was great!

In light of wanting to show my gratitude, I had a little idea. I recently read a book that I absolutely loved. I loved it simply for the love. The book is titled Reckless Faith by Beth Guckenberger. The love and passion that fuels Beth's heart moved me deeply. The story is about the call on her life to care for care for the least of these. Her obedience to God is amazing and the love she has for the children is clearly just as amazing.(Check out Back2Back Ministries) So, since the book is so filled with love and's kind of my way to share a little bit of love and kindness with you! I wish I could get one for everyone, but since I can't, I bought four of them and would love to give them away! I will send a copy to the first four people that post a comment. After you post, I will list the first four names in my next post, and those people can then email me with their address. You can email me directly from my blog profile!

There is no new news regarding Selah or our travel dates. I am just busy nesting and getting as much ready as I can while praying it will be super soon!!!

Thanks again to everyone and all your love, support, and prayers! God has used y'all to help to move some big 'ol mountains for us!!!!

My favorite photo...when she took her daddy's hand, she took his heart right with it.

Blessings and smiles,