Last week had some bleak moments when we learned that there had been an error on our court decree and that it would cause another delay. Delay was not a word my heart could handle very well. There were more tears and then plain ol' anger...but in the end, the delay was only two extra weeks from our initial tentative dates. As it turns out, "Gotcha Day" will be exactly seven months from the time we left our sweet girl.
Seven months is a long time. It is forever in the life of a 4-year-old. My brain and heart has run wild lately. I started letting my mind think things that are absolutely contrary to the Word of God. I worried about the loss of developmental time, the loss of bonding time, the loss of intervention time, the loss, the loss, the loss. (I think you get my point!) But God ever so gently filled my heart with the reminder that He is God, the very same One Who created the universe. Time is not of concern to Him. He is bigger than time. He is bigger than any loss I can ever come up with. He has a plan for Selah and there is nothing in this world that can stop that plan....not 4 1/2 years...and definitely not 7 months!
A few months before we began our adoption process Salvador had released a song called "Aware". I know I am always posting song lyrics and Youtube videos, but it is because music is just a part of my wiring! Every big moment in life I can recall through music. So, I fell in love with the song "Aware" because it is a calling out to God to "make me aware" of how He is in every detail of our lives from the small to the big, from the insignificant to the life-changing. One line in the song says:
"Take my world, turn it around, so that the obvious can finally be found."
I prayed those words because I felt such an intense stirring in my soul that said there was something I was supposed to be doing. So I prayed that God would break my heart for what breaks His, and that He would make me so aware of His presence in my life that I would never forget that it is Him in me that makes all things possible.
That prayer was answered tenfold. I have been taught over and over again that He is in every detail. He has been there in times of joy and in times of sadness. He has loved me when I was angry at others and even angry at Him. He has forgiven me for each sinful thought, word, and deed throughout the last two years and especially throughout the last few months! And now, as we prepare for the last leg of this portion of our journey with Selah, I know that the obvious has finally been found. He did turn my world upside down...and I am so incredibly thankful.
Here's the song with lyrics:
P.S. God's designing of the number 7 to represent perfection...pretty cool, huh?! I think I will receive that as a Word from Him that reminds me of His perfect timing and that everything is going to be just fine:-)