Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A Whirlwind of Emotions....

Wow! Another day has passed. But, tonight I actually have some energy after getting Selah to sleep to sit down at my computer and post!

Where do I start? I could ramble on forever about all the events and emotions over the last couple of days, but I honestly cannot figure out how to get it all down on "paper". There are the many many moments of laughter and giggles and cuddles that are so fun! For example, our sweet little gal who has never witnessed anything of the fashion world and never been exposed to what is "girly", has a PASSION for shoes, hair bows, clothing, sparkly jewelry, and clothing! Poor Bry, he is doomed! She spent the morning digging through her suitcase trying on each outfit, changing her shoes over and over and over, and oooing and awing over her pretty necklace, bracelet, and socks Grandma made! Then, since it was cold and rainy today, we went to the mall, where she was drawn to all the shoes, jewelry, and purses! I laughed so hard! Daddy already had to spend some money on a couple of things she just "had" to have!
She thinks her suitcase is fabulous! After pure exhaustion from trying everything on, she plops herself in it to take a break!

Zach has been so incredible. He loves his little sister so much and has unbelieveable patience and understanding. He is wise beyond his years in so many ways.

Outfit #5 complete with a sassy pose!

Then there is the fact that she fits in perfectly with our family in that she loves to be on the go! She gets stir crazy in the apartment just like we do! She keeps bringing me her coat and asking to "go". It is almost as if she is telling us that she has spent way too many days looking at the same walls and it is time to see the world! I just love that spirit!

That spirit has been shining brightly in more ways than one! It shines very brightly in the fact that she had approximately 36 hours of a "honeymoon" period! After that, she decided all was fair game! One small example is when she went over to the stove and turned it on. I told her "no touch, hot" (in Bulgarian, thanks Maire, for the phrases cd ;-) ) and about five minutes later she did it again! I again took her hand away and said "no touch, hot".  About an hour later, she was standing next to Bryan and she ran quickly to the stove, turned it on, took a quick look at him, and then darted away and did her little rocking thing to comfort herself. So, she was testing us but at the same time worried about her misbehavior. Little stinker...but after we held her, looked into her eyes and told her the same thing again but with a little bit more emphasis, she didn't try it again. In so many ways she seems so little and as if she is not processing everything, but then when she does something like that I can tell she is processing A LOT and really testing to see how big our love is. I pray she will soon realize our love is waaaaaay BIG and we're never leaving....ever!

On the other hand, there are times that are absolutely tough. The nights are beyond what I could fathom. The fear and the heartache that come in her sobs leave me feeling so inept and so helpless. I just keep speaking the name of Jesus over her. I claim His promises for her life....I claim Him as her Peace, her Comfort, her Healer. I sing quietly in her ear. I hold on and hug her even when she pushes me away. I have realized why the director mentioned that the nights are not good. I fear what her nights have been like for so long. I fear the ache she has so deep in her soul, but I know that fear is not the answer. Like Bryan told me tonight, the past is the past and all we have is today and tomorrow and the next day. God will make a way...God will heal her broken places and open her heart wide to be filled with His love and our love. I cannot forget that...not even for a moment.

Thank you all so much for all of your prayers. Your love and prayers can truly be felt and I know that God is hearing them! Please don't stop them from comin' though! Please pray for all the open spaces of loneliness and insecurity to be replaced with a confident sense of belonging and a knowledge that she is a child created by a God Who only creates that which is beautiful and wonderful....and that she has been chosen long before the stars were ever even placed in the sky. Pray that whatever has hurt her soul during her life, be long forgotten because none of her past defines who she is today and in the future. Please pray that all of that hurt be replaced with joy...immeasurable joy!

Love to you all!

Blessings and smiles,


  1. Finally a post :) So sad for her that she has a hard time at night, but so glad you are able to comfort her and show her she is loved. She is very cute. Thanks for sharing the fun stuff but also the difficult it helps us be more realistic when we pick up our kids. Hugs.

  2. Time will heal her wounds, and having your wonderful family will certainly speed up that process!!!! She is adorable!!!!!!

  3. Have you tried leaving a light on in the hallway? But, honestly, Ava did the same thing..for 6 weeks...fine during the day, waking many times at night... Praying for peace in her little heart!(((HUGS)))

  4. What a sweet and precious time this is for you! What part of town are you staying in this time? I've heard before that the 2nd trip is sometimes closer to the airport than the 1st trip that tends to be by the cultural center?

  5. AUNT LORI!!
    I am missin' you so much! I can't wait to give Selah and you a great big hug!
    See you in just a few days!!!

  6. Love you all. Be strong Mom...she will stand strong in your strength and in your peace. Jesus with skin on...remember :o) She is learning and all is so new...We are so excited to see you Saturday. We will come with lots of hugs and lots of love. Praying for you all and will send special prayers for Selah's peace. Missing you.

  7. Im so glad you are forming some wonderful memories during these new days. Time does a strange thing...we were just there, but at the same time, it seems a world away. Things just change so quickly. As far as the bad stuff...this too shall pass. I think I said that a lot as encouragement to myself, as well as wishful thinking. Praying you can just get through these rough early nights.

  8. Lori, thank you for sharing so much about your experiences with Selah, both the good stuff and the hard stuff. I agree with Celeste that it helps those coming behind you on this journey to be more realistic. It also helps to know that there are very positive and wonderful moments in the beginning as well. She is absolutely precious, and I love all the photos, especially the ones with her brother. We are taking our 8 year old daughter with us on our second trip. I am hoping that the two bond as well as yours seem to be. Definitely praying for you and your family.