Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Trying to Believe....

Our judge did not follow through with her commitment on Monday. We found out late Monday that she didn't come into work that day so we needed to wait for today to see what she would do. The call came today saying that she changed her mind again and is requesting an official letter from the US Embassy verifying that the FBI clearance is the highest level of security in the United States. Her meeting with the representative from the Embassy was not sufficient.

We are crushed, stunned, disappointed, frustrated....completely broken hearted. I wrote a letter today imploring the Embassy for help in this matter. Our hands feel so tied...

I have sat and tried to find insight into her perspective...does she know that this little girl has spent way too many days, weeks, months, years in an orphanage without a family? Does she have any idea of how great our love is for this little girl? Does she have any idea that we would do anything within our own physical power to bring her home? Does she realize our hearts have a huge hole in them filled with the grief of not having her home yet? If only I could get her to understand this...then maybe she would not do this to us or to any other family ever again.

I know I have to believe that the time will come. She will be ours. I need to stay strong and keep my faith. I know my faith is there, but it feels like it is in a million pieces around me. I keep getting back up and putting it back together, but then the next wave of emotion comes and knocks it all down again. But, I'm going to keep picking up the pieces and I am going to keep trusting the Lord and believing He will bring Selah home. I am going to praise Him for all the blessings in my life and praise Him for showing me the true heart of adoption...showing me a love that I never understood before...giving me a glimpse of the love He has when He adopts us into His family. It is a powerful love. It is a love that can move mountains and that is the promise I am going to hold onto...and never let go.



  1. I simply lack words...I'm just praying. It's so unexplainably sad and helpless. God loves you and Selah!

  2. Lori
    I second what Shelley said, SPEECHLESS!!!! I have been checking your site in hopes to see Selah's sweet face. I am devasated for your family. Stay strong in your faith and love for family, she will be in your arms soon.

  3. IS this the first adoption case she has had, crazy? Will pray without ceasing this week for your family.

  4. I'm so sorry! I can't begin to imagine your pain right now, but I can keep praying. Your faith is a great witness to everyone reading this blog. Please know that there are lots of us praying this very special girl home.

  5. Hope is the thing with feathers
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the tune -- without the words,
    And never stops at all.

    ~Emily Dickinson

  6. Oh Lori...I just don't understand!!! Crying with you here...have you tried having the State Dept. call her to assure her that the FBI clearances are "it"? I'm a fixer...but I don't know what to tell you to do!!! Praying sweet friend..P.R.A.Y.I.N.G!!!!!!!!

  7. (((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
    Why????? I do not understand. I have never heard of anyone encountering such a delay. So Sorry you are having to endure this. Praying that this will be resolved quickly!!!!!!!!!!!
    (((((((((((((((MORE HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

  8. Oh Lori. I am so sorry. I know that your heart is broken!! Reach out to USCIS and DOS for help. They should be able to get a letter to her in 1 day!!!!
    Thinking and praying about you!

  9. Lori, words cannot express how sorry I am that this is happening. I checked your blog several times hoping for good news and was utterly shocked when I read your post. I will keep praying for you and for this situation to be resolved quickly. I only wish that there was some other way I could help, but I know that God is there holding your hand.