Our judge did not follow through with her commitment on Monday. We found out late Monday that she didn't come into work that day so we needed to wait for today to see what she would do. The call came today saying that she changed her mind again and is requesting an official letter from the US Embassy verifying that the FBI clearance is the highest level of security in the United States. Her meeting with the representative from the Embassy was not sufficient.
We are crushed, stunned, disappointed, frustrated....completely broken hearted. I wrote a letter today imploring the Embassy for help in this matter. Our hands feel so tied...
I have sat and tried to find insight into her perspective...does she know that this little girl has spent way too many days, weeks, months, years in an orphanage without a family? Does she have any idea of how great our love is for this little girl? Does she have any idea that we would do anything within our own physical power to bring her home? Does she realize our hearts have a huge hole in them filled with the grief of not having her home yet? If only I could get her to understand this...then maybe she would not do this to us or to any other family ever again.
I know I have to believe that the time will come. She will be ours. I need to stay strong and keep my faith. I know my faith is there, but it feels like it is in a million pieces around me. I keep getting back up and putting it back together, but then the next wave of emotion comes and knocks it all down again. But, I'm going to keep picking up the pieces and I am going to keep trusting the Lord and believing He will bring Selah home. I am going to praise Him for all the blessings in my life and praise Him for showing me the true heart of adoption...showing me a love that I never understood before...giving me a glimpse of the love He has when He adopts us into His family. It is a powerful love. It is a love that can move mountains and that is the promise I am going to hold onto...and never let go.
5 days ago